Earthiness !

An update from a mother. This touched a chord, for obvious reasons :)

I remember when my second daughter was born with darker skin color then the rest of the family and I was made to feel as a mother that she was somehow less then my other daughter, less lucky, less beautiful, less.

Like she didn't deserve to wear certain colors, and I shouldn't rejoice in her adorableness just because Allah had chosen for her skin color to be a shade between chocolate and caramel instead of vanilla.

I am not ashamed of loving her a wee bit extra, she reminds me of myself. Earthy.

I have always emphasized inner beauty, and never thought I would have to teach a daughter of mine the value of outer beauty but I have to with her. Dark skin is beautiful, just as lovely to behold as light skin. I don't want her to ever feel like she has to hold back and not follow her dreams because she is made to feel less.

She is a beautiful little girl, effervescent, funny and filled with love, with a propinquity towards the dramatic. Its only on days that she is made to feel less that she visibly withers. On days when a new family will meet us and say in front of her "My, your other three look alike and she is so different".

My love... it is okay to be different. Allah created you this way. Your smile is precious. You glow like Venus when it rises in the Eastern sky, don't sink in the glare of the morning twilight ...you are beautiful.



- As updated by Hena Zuberi




Growing up , (even now!) I was always told to wear certain coloured dresses.I was told only a black coloured scarf would suit me. I have received literally racist like comments, at times , from the people most closest to me. I was made to feel something of "less"because of my skin complexion.

It took me a long time to finally find myself , but I did , Alhamdulilah.

It has taught me like the person above says - Earthiness !
It has taught me to love myself first and to never think anything less of myself because of another person's opinion.
It has taught myself to NEVER judge a person due to their looks/ skin complexion/ attire/ differences.
It has taught me to be broad minded !



I hope I did read some thing like this , when  I was a child.
I hope  I was reminded over and over again I am a creation of The Most Beautiful Creator.

Qualities of a husband !

On being a husband, Abdul Qadir Al-Jilani (a 12th Century Islamic Scholar) advises the following:




1. “He must relate to them (his wife & children) on the basis of morality and provide them with fair treatment to the best of his ability."


2. "If he ends up with wealth to spare, he must keep it for the sake of his dependents (wife & children), not for his own sake."


3. "He must not eat, unless they have already eaten."


4. "In relation to his dependents, he must be like a trusted agent and a servant, and like a slave with his master."


5. "He must set service to himself aside, and consider his dependents more important than himself."


6. "When it comes to eating, he must adjust his diet to suit their tastes and not oblige them to follow his own appetite.”

( and they tell women are oppressed in Islam!! :D )

- As tweeted by @Philo_Human

MCD - 10

People whom we know becomes people whom we knew. Life changes. We some times have to let go. Channel new paths .

College life is over. We are in different countries now!

Calls dwindle. Mails almost never. The green button on G-talk/Skype - still we dont talk.

From strangers to friends and then sadly again back to strangers. This happens to be the classic cycle of life.

Distance might only increase between us. We might meet again, we might never meet again.

Whatsoever it is,

...we are forever bounded by memories of shared moments together.

Tick,Tock....

"I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. 
For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. 

And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.

 I love movies about “The Big Moment” – the game or the performance or the wedding day or the record deal, the stories that split time with that key event, and everything is reframed, before it and after it, because it has changed everything. I have always wanted this movie-worthy event, something that will change everything and grab me out of this waiting game into the whirlwind in front of me. I cry and cry at these movies, because I am still waiting for my own big moment. I had visions of life as an adventure, a thing to be celebrated and experienced, but all I was doing was going to work and coming home, and that wasn’t what it looked like in the movies. 

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” For me, life is what was happening while I was busy waiting for my big moment. I was ready for it and believed that the rest of my life would fade into the background, and that my big moment would carry me through life like a lifeboat.The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. Some people have them, in a sense, when they win the Heisman or become the next American Idol. But even that football player or that singer is living a life made up of more than that one moment. Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies. 

But this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience." 

-Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life
(From :  http://pinterest.com/pin/266767977897005610/ )
Reading the above post on Pinterest by made me think. It is indeed true. We are often waiting. Waiting for our dreams to get fulfilled, our needs be met, our voids be filled.


During my 5 years of college, I wanted to be back in Doha. I used to think then, "oh yeah my 11 & 12th grade used to be soo good. Such good friends.blah.blah" until I came back home once and read through my old journals , which I had written while I was in high school. Most of the entires there were like , 'I wanna get out of the place' blah. Blah.

So basically this was the cycle .

While in school, wanted to finish it, get out of Doha, explore new places and people.

While in college, missed home, missed doha, had some crappy incidents, so there, wanted to finish it, come back to Doha & be with the family. Maybe even work here.

Now I am post college and am home. I am absolutely free. No duty, no responsibilites, no troubles and no studying nightmare also ---> kind of some thing like I wanted while I was preparing for my finals or my post graduate entrance. Now I want to leave Doha again, cos I am bored of doing nothing. Additionally, dream of better days, personally & professionally !

So basically , I realized, I have never learnt to enjoy the moment. I never take in the very essence of "single many moments finally make our life". I forget to realize that every single incident- good,bad or horrible- of past 6 years of life after school have made me what I am today. I wouldn't have been "me" as I am now, hadn't I gone through those !

Like these days , I am doing absolutely nothing besides driving classes ! I read, write, blog, tweet, watch serials, and pray big time. This is all, that I do of late. I donot interact much with my friends either online or through phone (No reasons , just until I clear my head and start functioning productively again, I am in my own coccoon) So basically my point is, there might come a time in my life when I am dealing with a husband, a child (or children) , a job (or a post graduate program) and have my days completely scheduled from 4 in the morning to 12 in the night & then maybe , I might miss these "doing-nothing-other-than-dream-of-a-better-tomorrow" days !!

These "completely free" days are exactly what once I dreamt of when I was utterly busy. So why am I complaining or whining over having to "do nothing " ?

Again comes back to the whole reason for this post - Waiting - How many years of our life do we waste waiting for things that would never come?

...and then I realize , feeling complete with all our desires/dreams/wishes can never be felt in the Dunya. It is an aspect of Jannah alone !

Before I sign off, I leave with this song by Sami Yusuf - Make me strong

 

Change - A permanent aspect of Life !

The dark clouds are covering the beautiful moon. Total darkness. After a little while, a shimmering light through the clouds can be seen. Then the hazy moon peeks through for a few minutes. And finally the full moon breaks free of the clouds and shines with its full glory . Light. For some time though.

...and the clouds cover up the moon again !

The evening clouds and its little game with the moon made me to reflect.

Every thing is in motion in this world. Even situations.

"Total darkness" is never permanent. For afterwards, a ray of light is often sent by Lord, which at times is seen by us with all its beauty & sometimes overlooked. "Full moon glory" is also ephemeral. Days pass, situations change, life unrolls....slowly !

In times of "total darkness", we should not despair of our Lord's Mercy.

In times of "full moon glory", we should not forget to be grateful to our Lord, for His Bountiful Bessings !

..... " Appappa"

Mar 27 2012. My (maternal) grandfather left for his eternal abode. May Allah forgive his sins, shower on him mercy & bless him with Jannathul Firdaus - Ameen.

...And suddenly I am left with no grandparent. All four of my grandparents have left the realm of this world. Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilehi Rajioon.

I miss all of them. Each in their own way. I know I am a product of multiplication of their genes. I carry with in me, atleast a trait or a habit or a character of them, which I myself might not be aware of.

We used to call our (maternal) grandfather - Appappa. I donot know which of my elder cousins came up with that name. But to everyone around, his grandkids and neighbour's kids, he was appappa.

To everyone who knew him, I am sure, the foremost memory which will come to them, of him, would be of his wit and humour. I remember, every summer when I used to India for my summer vacation, sitting and chuckling at his witty stories.

I didnot know of the hidden acts of kindness he had done, the innumerable help he had done to the poor people in our locality(until actually I heard someone casually mention of them). I am pretty sure none of his kids or grandkids also know of them. Only Allah, he & the receipients of his kind act do know of them. May Allah accept his every good deed and action.

Everytime I used to come to Calicut from college for a small break or so, he used to make sure I had chicken ,beef or something special to eat :D, cos "Avalkku hostelil onnum nallethu kittathetha(she doesnt get anything good in hostel)" even if it meant calling his favourite "right man" Koyammu, to go to the grocery, at an odd time of the day.

I called up and screamed to him the day when my final year results came to tell "I became a DOCTOR" !!! And he showered me with his blessings and love. I called him up after my Convocation to tell "I become a graduate" and there was pride beaming in his voice. He was the only grandparent I had to, finally tell that a dream of a lifetime did become a reality for me. Alhamdulilah

The last I talked to him was during my PG entrance exams and he gave me his best wishes. He told me " You should do your master's some day sure" Insha'allah, some day I will, Insha'allah , with Lord's grace !

He was so quite worried when my lil brother went to Jaipur for his engineering. He worried everytime I travelled to and fro , blore & doha. A grandparent's love can only be shown by a grandparent. In their wisdom of age, a lifetime of experience and spirituality ,indeed, there are lessons for us to learn.

Sooner or later, I will meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with (In sha'Allah ) and it saddens me no end to realize that "my man" would never be able to see my grandpa or any of my grandparents. I can only recount stories to him and my children ( In sha'Allah )

Someday soon when I make "Pathiri" from start to end on my own, I would dearly want to let grandpa know of it :( He always used to tease me "Pallu Undakunethu mathram padichal pora, pathiri undakunethum padikkanam" ---> (Learning how to make teeth alone isn't enough, you gotta learn how to make Pathiri too) Ah ! I miss you, Appappa , I really do... :(

He got married to grandma when he was 23 and she was 13. They lived together for 55+ years happily until she passed away in 2003. He lived 9 years alone without her. I often used to wonder how difficult it would have been for him ! And my cousin sis used to say, after grandma's death, he was never actually fully himself :(

He is survived today by 7 children, 24 grandkids,26 great grandkids and the family grows...... In sha Allah

In course of life, every human comes across situations like these. Death - that indeed is the truest fact of life. This grief and sorrow of losing a loved one will always be within us, until we close our own eyes. There will come a place where no grief shall touch us and where we will be with our loved ones. That is His Promised Gardens of Jannah.

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala' unite us again with our loved ones in the eternal blissful gardens of His Jannah - Ameen.

(and a small article in Malayalam http://malabardigest.com/?p=849
)

Words of Wisdom - 2

Life is the train, not the station.


( Aleph - By Paulo Coelho )