• My Abode of Peace

    Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but never our hearts. (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr)

  • Solace

    When nothing can comfort you, His words can. His words always will.

  • Some days, the view looks scary. Trust Him. He is the Best of Planners.

  • Showers of blessing.

    Clouds come floating in to my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky. (Tagore)

  • Hop and Jump

    For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.(John Connolly)

..... " Appappa"

Mar 29, 2012
Mar 27 2012. My (maternal) grandfather left for his eternal abode. May Allah forgive his sins, shower on him mercy & bless him with Jannathul Firdaus - Ameen.

...And suddenly I am left with no grandparent. All four of my grandparents have left the realm of this world. Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilehi Rajioon.

I miss all of them. Each in their own way. I know I am a product of multiplication of their genes. I carry with in me, atleast a trait or a habit or a character of them, which I myself might not be aware of.

We used to call our (maternal) grandfather - Appappa. I donot know which of my elder cousins came up with that name. But to everyone around, his grandkids and neighbour's kids, he was appappa.

To everyone who knew him, I am sure, the foremost memory which will come to them, of him, would be of his wit and humour. I remember, every summer when I used to India for my summer vacation, sitting and chuckling at his witty stories.

I didnot know of the hidden acts of kindness he had done, the innumerable help he had done to the poor people in our locality(until actually I heard someone casually mention of them). I am pretty sure none of his kids or grandkids also know of them. Only Allah, he & the receipients of his kind act do know of them. May Allah accept his every good deed and action.

Everytime I used to come to Calicut from college for a small break or so, he used to make sure I had chicken ,beef or something special to eat :D, cos "Avalkku hostelil onnum nallethu kittathetha(she doesnt get anything good in hostel)" even if it meant calling his favourite "right man" Koyammu, to go to the grocery, at an odd time of the day.

I called up and screamed to him the day when my final year results came to tell "I became a DOCTOR" !!! And he showered me with his blessings and love. I called him up after my Convocation to tell "I become a graduate" and there was pride beaming in his voice. He was the only grandparent I had to, finally tell that a dream of a lifetime did become a reality for me. Alhamdulilah

The last I talked to him was during my PG entrance exams and he gave me his best wishes. He told me " You should do your master's some day sure" Insha'allah, some day I will, Insha'allah , with Lord's grace !

He was so quite worried when my lil brother went to Jaipur for his engineering. He worried everytime I travelled to and fro , blore & doha. A grandparent's love can only be shown by a grandparent. In their wisdom of age, a lifetime of experience and spirituality ,indeed, there are lessons for us to learn.

Sooner or later, I will meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with (In sha'Allah ) and it saddens me no end to realize that "my man" would never be able to see my grandpa or any of my grandparents. I can only recount stories to him and my children ( In sha'Allah )

Someday soon when I make "Pathiri" from start to end on my own, I would dearly want to let grandpa know of it :( He always used to tease me "Pallu Undakunethu mathram padichal pora, pathiri undakunethum padikkanam" ---> (Learning how to make teeth alone isn't enough, you gotta learn how to make Pathiri too) Ah ! I miss you, Appappa , I really do... :(

He got married to grandma when he was 23 and she was 13. They lived together for 55+ years happily until she passed away in 2003. He lived 9 years alone without her. I often used to wonder how difficult it would have been for him ! And my cousin sis used to say, after grandma's death, he was never actually fully himself :(

He is survived today by 7 children, 24 grandkids,26 great grandkids and the family grows...... In sha Allah

In course of life, every human comes across situations like these. Death - that indeed is the truest fact of life. This grief and sorrow of losing a loved one will always be within us, until we close our own eyes. There will come a place where no grief shall touch us and where we will be with our loved ones. That is His Promised Gardens of Jannah.

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala' unite us again with our loved ones in the eternal blissful gardens of His Jannah - Ameen.

(and a small article in Malayalam http://malabardigest.com/?p=849

Words of Wisdom - 2

Mar 8, 2012

Life is the train, not the station.

( Aleph - By Paulo Coelho )


Mar 7, 2012
I am writing this only to clear my head and to finish off today with today. 15 more minutes for 12 and I will finish today with this.

Too often I have been wondering why my life happens this way. There are so many people who get things so easily, where as I always had to struggle to get whatever I wanted. I know Allah tests the people whom He loves most. So I try to think , He loves me...but somewhere, I lose track of my optimism.and today is one such day.

I succeded til now in almost everything I did ( God's grace alone, Alhamdulilah ) and yet when in the wake of this failure, I cannot cope with it. My mind is too weak. My heart is swaying to some unknown beat.

All that I want to do and is doing is to cry...just cry to my hearts content, so that when I finish, my mind can become clear and heart can become strong again.... I have lost many things in life, some of which were never mine to begin with...

It is extremely hard to go about smiling to everyone, to your loved ones, for fear of hurting them, even thought you feel broken and depressed. I wish to be strong again, atleast for them.

I am too complicated right now, even for myself. 24 hours to go for my 24th bday & then I want to complete this phase I am going through. Its hard... But I know, I will eventually clear this out. I have Allah with me , always had, always will...

Time will heal all wounds. It has healed so many. It will heal many more.

Ya Rabb, bless me with strength of mind and pour upon me patience. Help any soul, and every soul going through every sort of hardship - Ameen

Words of Wisdom

Mar 4, 2012

" Allah is Al Wahab (the one who loves to give gifts) and Al Kareem (the most generous). Therefore the default is that He loves to give. So, think about it. We must know that if Al Wahab, Al Kareem has withheld something from us, it must be because Al- Aleem (the most knowing) and Al Hakeem (the Most Wise) knows in His knowledge and wisdom  that at this time it is best for us that it be withheld. And so, Al Rahman (the most merciful) withholds. Know that He withholds to give "

- Sister Yasmin Mogahed