MCD - 12

Aug 24, 2012
Aug of 2010.

Our final year results came out. Alhamdulilah got a first class and stood 4th in college. Still I had a lingering depression over me so much so I hated going for internship during those initial days.

The reason for the depression was neither did I top in college nor did I top in any of the subjects ( or so I thought then according to the rough calculation amongst pals). Now you might be thinking, 'What a silly reason to be depressed'. To an extent, I agree (now!), but also, I had continually done well in college ,or atleast 2nd and 3rd year and so, suddenly these results were disappointing to me.

I made dua. Continual dua. I asked Allah for happiness and to protect me from sadness and depression. I studied that Hadith* of Rasullullah SAW as reported by Abdullahi Ibn Masud, which says, by repeating it, Allah will take away distress and grief, and replace it with joy...

With days, I had forgotten about the inital sadness and was completely enjoying my free internship days. ( Being forgetful of our past despair and sadness with time, a mercy from Allah, truly, Subhana Allah)

Fast forward to August 2011.

The official list of subject wise rankholders was put up. Surprisingly, I had topped in two subjects. Ma sha Allah. Alhamdulilah.

I did wonder why did I put myself under so much of sadness then !? Why did I think less of myself ? Why did I put down my worth in front of my own eyes, when clearly I had done my level best in studying !?

Not only does this incident remind me of the fact, that most of our worries and sadness are truly baseless, but also, it teaches me a far greater lesson.

Maybe, Allah hid the fact from me initially, so that, I went back to Him with a far greater intensity than before. Maybe my 'Dhikr' was lacking and maybe this sadness helped me to be back on track. Allah knows best.

Every obstacle, adversity, depression, sadness and despair is a detour for us to turn back to Him. It is a medicine to increase our Sabr. It might be a push to prolong our Sajdah. It might be to nudge us to ponder over His words. It might be a way for those dark sins to be washed away. It might be purifying us to enter His Garden. Allah knows best.

A delay never means 'negative'. A delay only means your are being purified and prepared for the best to come.

No dua goes unaswered. Every supplication is answered either in this world or in the Hereafter.

Again, I am going through a phase in which I myself doubt every single ounce of ability and talent, I have. I am insecure of my looks, of achievements, of me myself. All I have now is duas, duas and more duas. Remembering this incident gives me respite and hope.

This post is written , first and foremost, to calm myself and to strengthen my Iman again. And to anyone who comes across this and is going through the same predicament, I wish you peace and strength of mind. Trust your Maker. The Once closer to you than your jugular vein knows you better than you, yourself !

Till next,