Grief.

I have rules, mostly made by myself, for myself. I have to always follow them. It has always been like that. Things have to be prim and proper.

As a child, my hair had to be always tied neatly or else I would create tantrums. Often, I fought with my mom regarding it. Once while in Calicut, at my grandparent's place, I was getting ready and mom was plaiting my hair. I didn't like the way she was tying my hair and started arguing with her. Exasperated with my tantrums, mom said, "Go to your grandma. She knows to tie well. After all, she has many daughters na."

I ran to my grandma and said her, 'You have 5 daughters, right. So you would know how to braid hair properly na. Please, tie my hair too."

She replied, "Not 5, I had 6 daughters!"

Little did I know then, even 40 years later, she was a grieving mother !

(May Allah bless my chaachi-grandma and the aunt- whom I have never met in this life - with the highest place in Jannah and may He reunite us again in His eternal blissful gardens)